she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
