I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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