Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
