I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
