giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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