I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
