Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
