That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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