My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
