doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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