dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
