Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
