I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
