do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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