Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
