dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
