pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
