If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
