I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
