I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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