Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
