I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
