Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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