Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
