am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
