i may or may not be watching the land before time
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
