Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
