I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can't turn off my feet"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
