Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
