sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
