ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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