I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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