if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
