we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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