I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
