when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
