Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
