Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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