Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
