She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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