you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
