Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
