fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
