I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
