Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
