I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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