I molested 6 butterflies tonight
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
True college students do jello shots in the library
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