I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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