Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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