don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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