I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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